My dear friend,
I know I have been quite silent for some time, but trust me, many a thing’s been happening below the surface for me and not a single moment of my recent life has been a dull one.
Now I feel I am ready to open up a bit again and share with you a tiny snippet of what I’ve been through. So if you are interested, settle down, all cosy, as I feel in a quite story-telling mood and this might be one of those longer reads. After all, you know me – I like a good, deep, honest talk and giving on a short speech is really not my style. Well then. Snuggle up with your tea in hand and feel welcome to have a sneaky peak into my mind as of late…
It began a few years ago, as I ventured into starting my own business and, along the way, I came across a life-coaching certification course.
Both of these experiences have been truly life changing to me; they gently directed me on an ever-exciting and never-ending path of self-development.
At first, it all seemed hunky dory – I was gaining a lot of new valuable skills and great wisdom. As I was dealing with other people’s issues, I was sorting also my own. Diving into my soul brought me enormous joy and sparked my curiosity all the more.
I’ve started blossoming, glowing even, growing in self-confidence which I always sorely lacked. My horizons have broadened. I‘ve become more and more aware of my harmful mental programs that I’d created as a child, and started to work on limiting my limiting beliefs.
All of that allowed me to climb on the ladder of consciousness higher than I have ever been. And it’s been amazing.
But, as you may suspect, my dear friend, the path of self-development is actually more of a leap into a rabbit hole. It was no wonder then that this experience also took such a not-so-unexpected turn towards showing me its other, darker side.
As I dove deeper, my focus was drawn to my relationship towards myself, my family, my work – simply to my whole world. I started seeing things in a completely different way, with greater clarity. By getting to know myself more, the search through my soul seemed to shed light on the hidden parts of my Self. And thus, I managed to stumble upon my very own big Pandora’s box I had been completely oblivious to for many years.
Yes, my dear friend, you’ve guessed it right. As is usual for Pandora’s boxes, this one too got open. And it wasn’t pretty.
A nasty tornado came out it depths. It swept me off the ground and shoved me into the waves of a raging ocean. With no solid ground below my feet, I was drowning in the unknown. Somewhere along the way, my rose-tinted spectacles got lost and completely shattered and I saw for the first time everything in my life without any filters. All in all, my tidy existence got turned into a fairly spectacular chaos.
You see, the path of self-development is not just a lovely walk in a beautiful garden. It leads you to yourself by slowly taking all the layers of your masks away, stripping both you and the whole world around you bare and making you see finally in complete clarity everything that had been covered up until then.
You are taken apart. Pushed to rethink your universe and reinvent yourself. And as you do it, everything around you starts changing too.
And that, my dear friend, has been my reality lately, too. These past couple of months have been truly crazy – not pleasant at all. I was deep in the mud, stripped of identity, feeling naked, and exposed and ashamed and vulnerable, with no sense of direction or right or wrong. Like a second before the Big bang happens, when nothing is sure, clear, solid.
To an unprepared person this is a true nightmare. But I have experienced something similar already in the past. And so this time, I was much calmer, observing, and just waiting for the strom to pass as I already knew what was happening to me.
You see, I have simply been in the midst of a very dramatic process of transformation. My old me was dying and the new one was just slowly being created and getting ready to be reborn. Some people would say „to rise like a phoenix“. But to me, it feels more like being a little catterpillar in its cocoon, turning into a butterfly.
So there you have it, my recent story. Pretty turbulent and heavy stuff. And what is the result?
I may not have finished my transformation yet. But the end feels fairly close, now. I can feel the energy bubbling inside of me and the strenght slowly flowing through my veins. The courage and power growing in my heart, flooding my body. The new purpose building inside. The hunger for more. The yearning, that wanting to… whatever it is this is supposed to lead me to. The urgent need to live, fully this time, and in utter truth. To do it all better, in my new shape and form.
Not exactly sure what it is going to look like, but frankly, that is not exactly the point.
And now to the reason I am telling you this…
My friend. You might be going through a similar turmoil. But the main thing is that yes, being in a cocoon (while you and your personal world crumbles) sucks. But, boy, am I happy to be lucky enough to have gotten this far…!
Even when I feel like this has been one of the worst year of my life – I, humbly and with deep gratitude, welcome all the sh*t that has come my way to help me grow into a better me.
And so should you. So should we all.
Because being our old selves, surrounded with all the familiar stuff, might feel safe to you, but in my view it is more like just flowing within the safe limits of a river…
But this new thing you gain from it.. it feels like floating on a SEA – with no limits to your personal horizons.